My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

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Thread: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

  1. #1
    lvl 1 bard natural20's Avatar
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    My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    Hey y'all. As the title says, I made a hip hop track about bipolar disorder, specifically mania. I know it's potato quality, but I was hoping I could get some feedback from you guys.

    You can find the track here:
    https://soundcloud.com/user-891997064/bipolar

  2. #2
    The Metallica L.E's Avatar
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    Re: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    Lol yo that Darth Vader sample is pretty dope.

    The vocals come in very loudly. It sounds like you are hunched over the mic, and it can definitely tell with your delivery.

    The lyrics themselves are not bad though. The flow is on for the most part, it could use some switch ups for sure. But the second verse has a little more energy. This has some storytelling quality for sure man.

    It could use a hook. But this was not bad at all man! If this was your first track, you are WELL on your way. Check out some of my work and the work of others. Keep building.

    Keep it up man.



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  3. #3
    lvl 1 bard natural20's Avatar
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    Re: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    Quote Originally Posted by L.E View Post
    Lol yo that Darth Vader sample is pretty dope.

    The vocals come in very loudly. It sounds like you are hunched over the mic, and it can definitely tell with your delivery.

    The lyrics themselves are not bad though. The flow is on for the most part, it could use some switch ups for sure. But the second verse has a little more energy. This has some storytelling quality for sure man.

    It could use a hook. But this was not bad at all man! If this was your first track, you are WELL on your way. Check out some of my work and the work of others. Keep building.

    Keep it up man.
    Thanks man. You caught me, Workin off a shitty webcam mic for now, so hopefully that'll improve when I decide to bite the bullet and invest some money in this hobby. I'm pretty new to this site, how do I check out u your work here?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Nm, figured it out. I was definitely digging on Music and the Money. So, you're light-years ahead of me on the game, bit I got one commnet for ya...annunciation. I'm probably an outlier here, but all of my favorite tracks have the MC speaking clearly with little chance of being missunderstood or unheard with each syllable. It's likely just your style which isn't necessarily for me, and that's cool. Overall sounds great tho, nice work!

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    Re: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    u have a good flow man. Lyrically some real good vocabulary content nice rhyme schemes. Delivery was very bland this would be dope would more energy. Could tell vocals weren't mixed cant tell if your using a mic or phone. check out youtube for mixing vocals there are some daw programs you can use. what are you using now?

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  5. #5
    Autism Dad dbPROducer's Avatar
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    Re: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    hey nice to meet ya...im loving the beat, i know its your first track so i wont be harsh, but i will be constructive...in hip hop its standard that you finish your bars at the end of every 4th beat...there were times where i felt like you stopped earlier than you shouldve to complete a 16...

    your wordplay was my favorite part of the track...took a little bit of the textual side of this site and put it on audio...nice work

    problem is your flow lacks a bit of confidence, and as you make more tracks youll see the area where adlibs could be put in to help make those punchlines stand out a bit more...every line that has a punch feels weak in your voice when your not confidaent in your flow

    there really isnt a hook in this is there? thats cool...i like this beat alot...is there a reason why it sounds like your whispering? maybe you cant rap that loud wherever it is your recording at?

    overall...not bad, especially being your first track...this sounds and has a better rhyme scheme than the first track i ever recorded so good job on making a decent first try mix...


    check out my beat and leave some feedback when you have the time

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...boytheproducer

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  6. #6
    lvl 1 bard natural20's Avatar
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    Re: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    @dbPROducer
    First off, I gotta ask...does your username imply that you're a professional defecator? Not tryin to take a jab at ya, but that's what I see when I look at PRO ducer.

    Thanks for the compliment on the beat, but I gotta admit it's not my own. I have no idea how to make a beat, i just googled "free hip hop beats" and found one that fit the theme. Do you know if that's legit? Like will the creator of that beat be upset that I used it? I cited him in the description of the track and I'm hoping that's enough.

    Any chance you can elaborate on the "in hip hop its standard that you finish your bars at the end of every 4th beat...there were times where i felt like you stopped earlier than you shouldve to complete a 16". I truly am green in the production of music...I've just been listening to Hip Hop for a long time and am trying to mimic what I've been hearing. Are you saying that all of my bars are miss-timed and I need to shift them over a beat or two? I mean, I know a bar has 4 beats...so each of my lines consists of 2 bars, ya? So, by my count the first verse had 16 bars, second had 20 bars, and third had 28 bars, right? Or am I way off base here and need to reevaluate my understanding?

    Definitely relevant that my shit lacks confidence. Trying to build it up by singing it out everywhere I go, hopefully I'll be ready to give it another go in a week or two. Again, sorry for the ignorance, but what do you mean by "adlibs"? Like taking a break from the flow for a beat or two, adding a few words of regular speech?

    The whispering is prolly cuz of the shitty Mic...workin off a webcam. If I get too loud it gets staticy.

    Thanks a ton for your feedback! Definitely taking it to heart.

  7. #7
    Autism Dad dbPROducer's Avatar
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    Re: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    Quote Originally Posted by natural20 View Post
    @dbPROducer
    First off, I gotta ask...does your username imply that you're a professional defecator? Not tryin to take a jab at ya, but that's what I see when I look at PRO ducer..
    hey its cool man, my username is a short version of my brand name which is doughboytheproducer, when i start publishing my own music my company name will be dbPRO Music ... not sure where you get defecator from but its all good cuz im confidant in my ability to shit on anyone (metaphorically ofcourse)

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  8. #8
    lvl 1 bard natural20's Avatar
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    Re: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    Quote Originally Posted by dbPROducer View Post
    hey its cool man, my username is a short version of my brand name which is doughboytheproducer, when i start publishing my own music my company name will be dbPRO Music ... not sure where you get defecator from but its all good cuz im confidant in my ability to shit on anyone (metaphorically ofcourse)
    Haven't heard of poopin as dropping a deuce?

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    Re: My first hip hop track RE: bipolar disorder. Feedback appreciated

    Sounds like you're reciting on the beat...




    In other words, you're already tons better than how I sounded when I first started.



    Anyways, LOL @ the content. It's like a fucking drug advert. I think you have potential when you find your groove , but for now there's a few things you'll have to practice to make perfect. Your delivery here is real wooden and void of life. The content is too wordy for this beat. You'd have to rap real fast in order to have that stuff land effectively. For what it's worth though, it's not half bad for your first go. Keep at it.

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