Never A Chance.

[`Ink]

Never A Chance.

Life, is much harder than told, not, smarter at old..
My life like a deck of cards, as they started to fold..
Not, bothered to hold, in my mothers, little womb..
Intoxicated, I had came out like a shriveled prune..
I’d quit her soon, abortion? Was it fair? I choked..
Father there, said “don’t!”, they put air, to my throat..
Weighing no more than 2 pounds, I’d lose pounds..
Crying pale and blue, abruptly making rude sounds..
The tune hounds, in my head, I can barely hum it..
Mother drank alcohol, I was 2 months, still in her stomach..
Worst luck in, the world. Father, an ass, I would lose..
A glass full of boo’s, beat on, if I asked for some shoes..
A question mark for some clues, I had no idea, to fall..
I had no clue, I was bleeding at all, I was being to tall..
Thinking this world was a synch, hurled for the bitch..
Beat so bad to a pulp, I couldn’t curl even, or twitch..
On the road I would hitch, having to cough up a lung..
Not schooled, being illiterate, Id climb up bark to be hung..
Life‘s hard, start to be young, Mine different from others..
6 other brothers, couldn’t make there age double numbers..
My sister? She passed, the first, felt at last, the worst..
I regret tuffing it out, and trying to make it passed my birth..
“Feel my wrath!” he cursed, As I dashed for the door..
Tripped, I fell on the floor, because you can’t run when your 4..
Throwing me around, and more, grabbing my head and noose..
Alive or dead, he’d choose, while I still struggled to get lose..
My father, still banging my head on the faucet, he lost it more..
As my soul flew up to the clouds, and my body..
………………………………............Lie behind the closet door

Born: September 3rd, 2000. Death: November 3rd, 2004.

R.I.P
Beloved Son.

- Heavens Gates.

[`Ink]

Feed:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=246317
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=245788&page=1

[ExDaGawd]

Haha pretty dope, I think I know who you are now, This drop reminded me of my Abandon Orphan one. Overall this was pretty cool, Coulda made it a little bit longer though. Nice topic!

[`Ink]

Thanks alot buddy.

I was thinking make it longer, but not to long. Know what Im saying? 30 lines is pretty good. I could have went 40.

But I myself dont like sitting and reading for 10 minutes.

Thanks for the feed.

[B.I.Detained.]

Ok, where do I start. Something drew me to this piece and
twas the title. Its a very powerful first look when readers
are browsing through OM on here, so props for getting my attention.
You definately have the potential to write a good OM and
thsi was pretty good. But its your wording and lack of meaning
in some of your rhymes that threw me off.

E.g.

Weighing no more than 2 pounds, I’d lose pounds..
Crying pale and blue, abruptly making rude sounds..

This was a cool attempt at multi's but the wording
was pretty bad, man. The sentence I bolded was what
made me cringe a little. Think about the wording when
writing. Its so important.

For the piece as a whole, I thought the concept
was pretty cool. Not so original, but you executed
it in a good way. Just try being a little vivid in some
parts so the reader knows where they are at.

Props, man. Keep writing..
& try and hit my latest piece in my sig'.

Brix.

[Zone]

that was good homie, the vocab was tight
i liked the flow alot too
but i think that what you should work on
iz making the verse a lil longer
but overall it was good
7/10

[Zone]

i thought the story ended 2 soon

[`Ink]

Zone stfu you herb.

Kareless, thanks for the feed man. Ill work on that stuff with my up and coming OM.

Ill rtf.

[jake]

..Yeah it was aight...i aint gon say "it shoulda been longer" coz i thought
that length was aight...nice flow..the only thing i suggest, is try and use more
complex vocab..nah mean...any way it was good o/all - peace

[Taeisbeast.]

Wow. Nice piece man. Structure was nice and flowed well too. The imagery and the syllables came out up to par.

I think you should get a lil bit more in depth with some of the lines, other than that a nice piece.

[`Ink]

Thanks for the feed everybody.

Dont be afriad to critisize.

Leave links, Ill get to them.

[Eye`]

d0pe.

[Piff Jones]

I was really feeling this. Good emotion. I enjoyed most of the multies. Like said above you have great potential. It was a good read. Keep at it. 8/10

[Shunned1]

this was nice verse.....didn't get bored when i was readin it...the flow was good, vocabulary was nice....jus an overall good verse...keep up the writin....

[God's Deciple]

Dope piece here.I liked how you start it out but the first two lines i didnt really like.If you started it out with the 2 lines after those it woulda been perfect.I got the imagery as soon as you started with the first 4 lines,and i liked it alot.A good opener is good cause it catches the good part and gives you an idea that it isnt going to be boring.During the middle the omagery still stayed and the wording was still good.I could really imagine this going and being in a song.Towards the end i felt alot of emotion,and even with some of the basic words i liked it alot like that.Without big words because it makes it more emotional.This topic was really good.I dont see topics like this.Very unique topic and veryy good drop.These lines to me were the best:

Begining
Life, is much harder than told, not, smarter at old..
My life like a deck of cards, as they started to fold..
Not, bothered to hold, in my mothers, little womb..
Intoxicated, I had came out like a shriveled prune..
Middle
Thinking this world was a synch, hurled for the bitch..
Beat so bad to a pulp, I couldn’t curl even, or twitch..
On the road I would hitch, having to cough up a lung..
Not schooled, being illiterate, Id climb up bark to be hung..
Life‘s hard, start to be young, Mine different from others..
6 other brothers, couldn’t make there age double numbers..
End
My sister? She passed, the first, felt at last, the worst..
I regret tuffing it out, and trying to make it passed my birth..
“Feel my wrath!” he cursed, As I dashed for the door..
Tripped, I fell on the floor, because you can’t run when your 4..
Throwing me around, and more, grabbing my head and noose..
Alive or dead, he’d choose, while I still struggled to get lose..


Good drop.